white_chocobo13

Well, here I am after an age and a half, wondering if I'm going to even have a second and a half to write before dinner (it's Thanksgiving don'cha know eh!). Well, there's the dinner call, so long!

Hello stop I am attempting to contact the outside world from inside the bowels of the Army stop doing fine stop ... thinking how to write this without messing up the spelling stop guess I`ll just have to improvise stop some guy wants my computer stop having fun, lotsa stories to tell when I get back stop guh, want spend more time figuring this out but time pressure prevents (and people bugging me for computer) stop ... Much to say, take it for granted that I am in fact saying all sorts of things stop easier this way stop


Byee! Loves ya all! Good Luck! And all that Jazz!

Well, that was arguably (actually hands down) the best weekend of my life. I seriously donèt think Iève ever had that much fun before. Ièm so psyched. Cosplaying is awesome, I met a couple interesting new people, and for perhaps one of the rare few times in my life I felt like I was part of something. Not taking part, part of. It was great. I could have stopped anyone there and started a costume (conversation, lol, funny typo though) about just about anything I enjoy, and they would have understood (lol, prbly not, but at least that was sort of how it felt).

^o^!!!!!! Anyway... Lol, it was pretty funny, I was planning on going to Otakuthon, and I was going to try and perfect my Ichigo costume for it (I might still be able to go!!!), but then I got a call today from the Army. Oh Joy! Oh Bliss! (Seriously folks très hard to crash the good mood Ièm in, I really do feel like that, despite the sarcastic way it sounds. Which was the intention. For humor.) Yeah, apparently I have like, four days notice to quit my job at Couche Tard, lol. I feel really bad for them, ècause they needed the employees, but... What do you want?! (hee hee, Ièm so funny).

Anyway, yeah, I think thatès pretty funny. Now, Ièm going to try and research ways to do my Shinigami Shoes a little bit before I go ahead and spend another six hours on them 0.0

So, Good Luck, and be seeing alls you happy folkses lator!! Perhaps...?

Well, times are changing. Seems Anime has slipped into the past without my noticing. Oh well, onto other things! Like more tree climbing! And, if I'm really lucky, maybe I'll find an interesting bug! Yup Yup!

Today I handed in an application at a Depanneur. I think I have a Good Chance of getting the job. Which means money! And possibly heavy metal guitar! And the start of my journey into the martial arts! (except that I'm not sure anymore how I really want to go about that. Whatever, there's still time to figure that out).

I biked a bit today. I also found two dead cats and a dead something-that-was-almost-as-big-as-a-cat. Well, adds up to three which means it means something. Or not. Oh well. I rolled one of them over 'cause it was kind of close to the side of the road...

I also threw some pebbles into a streamletymajigger. And my bike is fix-ed. Aaaand... Ummm...

Good Luck!

Well, here we are. I'm writing a non-rant post that should be user friendly, so feel free (if you so desire...?). Things seem to be going well with smuffle. It's a relationship I can see working (not that I ain't still freaked out and constantly questioning myself, but she is one of my best friends and I have absolutely no intention of hurting her).

Right. Anyway. I'm going to join the Army full time. Not sure how long for, or if this will take me anywhere I'd like to be... I would like to inscribal my name in glory, but y'know, these things are kind of hard to predict. There is the chance I get shot dead somewhere, and what's to say the training will be intense enough? But once I've proven to myself that I am capable of handling anything I could experience in the Army... I guess that's when I'll leave. It might take an ass-load of training, but what the heck else am I supposed to do while living on a freaking Army base? lol

I guess I will always be a boy at heart... My fantasies often don't die, and here I find myself dreaming of the nigh impossible, lol. Well, only one way to get anywhere, and that's to hop onto the nearest Armored Personnel Carrier and get going.

Good Luck all you happy people! There really is a good chance I won't see any of you again, so I wish you the best of luck. I guess I really shouldn't say this, but like... Ah, whatever. I decided I was going to kill that, so I'm not going to put it back into the water and give it the chance to breath. Sorry. Ta!

*If you don't feel like reading stupid rants then skip this.

I've been feeling like shit lately. In fact for quite a while. It's not something I feel like I can talk about with people, because I do that so much (try and figure that one out), although usually in some roundabout manner that involves Oceans... Not that I don't want to see her (the Ocean). It's silly, and prbly within my control, but I don't think it will change anytime soon. I've been trying really hard to numb myself to the world because I'm sick of having emotion, and it seems to be working somewhat, but when almost every day you wake up to your mother bitching and complaining about something or other, or feeling like you're wasting your time because the things you want to do involve risking a life of poverty (which by the way would likely destroy the relationship I have with said mother, as well as possibly a few other people), it can kind of wear you down. I contemplate suicide on a nightly basis because I can't sleep and have bad dreams about things that I shouldn't care about(lol, Hamlet anyone? just realized that rereading this...), and in my mental wanderings it's often the only option I can come up with that satisifes the rather static dynamic that is my life these days. The night before last I dreamt about attacking my father, and last night I was in a torture factory trying to save Christian (I laugh when I think about it now, but it was still fscked up). It's crazy. Anyway, just wanted to lay that all out on the line so that I don't have to beat around the bush talking with people. Perhaps this is the last it will ever be mentioned and I will simply carry on (that's the hope at any rate). I can't wait for the summer when I will hopefully be getting somewhat in shape, putting away money (so no one can complain, 'cause you know, no matter how cliche the idea is, I'm still worthless to a lot of people (mainly the mother) if I don't make money), and doing only the simple tasks that I'm told to. No thinking, no options.

Good Luck all you happy, happy peoples! Life is a wonderful thing (no sarcasm, I mean what I say).
Good Luck... ?(don't know why there is a second one, it just popped up for no apparent reason...)

Whatever happens, no matter how unstable I am, no matter how much anything goes insane there are always some minor things I will be able to trust, things I can trust in, perhaps not forever, but truly for the moment. Things like the stars. I feel as though, at least under fairly reliable conditions they will never be lost.

But the Ocean! Ah she calls to me like I've never been called before. In fact that's the main reason for this post. I need to see her. I want to immerse myself in her. She may be fickle, terrifying more than anything I know, and yet at the *exact* same time she represents the few things I love the most. I want and need to see her again... At the end of the summer that is my journey. To meet her at least once. I suppose that I will never be far from her, and that is encouraging...


The Ocean: She represents complete motion. Freedom in nearly every direction. No one can call her slave, that's for sure. In the past I used to wish there was somewhere I could go to escape, somewhere I could go and just swim, for as long as I could, and I would never see anything different. She is this. And yet, as there is absolute freedom in her embrace, there is the fact as well that this never changes... She is ultimate consistency in her violence and temperamental ways. It's almost like I see her as the God (mlehr :P) of my existence. She rules me from afar... Yes. After the summer I shall once again journey to her... *aches with need...*

Anyway, Good Luck all you happy, *happy* peoples!

The last that ever she saw him
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
He passed on worried and warning
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
Lost in a river last saturday night
Far away on the other side.
He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight
And she couldn't find how to push through
The trees that whisper in the evening
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Sing a song of sorrow and grieving
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
All she saw was a silhouette of a gun
Far away on the other side.
He was shot six times by a man on the run
And she couldn't find how to push through
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
Four am in the morning
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
I watched your vision forming
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Star was light in a silvery night
Far away on the other side
Will you come to talk to me this night
But she couldn't find how to push through
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
Far away on the other side.
Caught in the middle of a hundred and five
The night was heavy but the air was alive
But she couldn't find how to push through
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Far away on the other side.

This song describes how I feel right now very well. That and Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz (hope that's spelt right...) is nifty-keen.

Turns out there are suddenly some massive changes in my life in a very short time. For starters, I seem to have fallen for smuffle. Don't know how it happened exactly, she grabbed my toe or something, and it was all over after that point. Whatever.

So that might have a large impact on my life, though that's one of the things that terrified me about the idea to start with. In any case, I have learned a few things about myself, also in a rather short time. About what scares me in particular. I recall making a post in the past about what my fear might be, 'cause I assumed I had one, and I discovered that it's feeling like I have no out. I absolutely cannot stand the thought of being trapped in any situation (something to consider when wondering about a possible carreer with the military). This also explains the most terrifying dream I have ever had (which was maybe about two weeks ago).

Well, that's that. I don't feel right now as though there is anything I can't deal with. I am also calm. I have some balance now. Good Luck!

Just saying Hallo and such. Still insane if it matters, elaboration right now = gun to the head. Good Luck! And stay Peachy!

Well, right now I'm trying to sort out my thoughts... Gotta finish something I started, that being Dragon's homework, but I'm taking a short break. Whatever the ferk's wrong with me it ends here. I'm sick of confusion and never knowing myself or what's going on in the world or anything. The sound of silence is interesting in that, to me, it best describes the sound that clarity makes, and the sound that confusion makes. Whatever sound I'm making I'd at least like to have my ears opened to hear it by the time my life ends...


And so, after tomorrow I shall embark upon my journey alone to enter the depths of my insanity, and so God help me I will come out of there stronger than I am and capable (of what I know not), or else dead. In any case it's better than dying slowly day by day.

Well here I am. >.> Not too much to say. I've rediscovered the sound of noisome gloom and have been slowly contemplating how I was ever able to survive without it for so many years... Also noticed that my relapse into a prior mental state has left me wondering what the hell my mind has been doing with itself for so damn long... Best not to question these things- And James just sent me something utterly ridiculous... Dear God... *facepalms*...

Right well. As I was saying *cough* *looks around surreptitiously, uncertain as to how this will proceed*... Yeah, I suppose I have a lot of growing to do, and let's only hope that I can surpass the stumbling block that has been in my way for so long, i.e. the utter breakdown of reason and sense that follows all "logical" courses I choose to follow.

Perhaps I will be guided by the Divine Symmetry I seem to so greatly adore? I'll get back to yas once I've settled mesel' wi' the Cosmos...

Well, right now there is a great possibilty that I quit the Army. I'm finding out from James and will finish this in a moment. ...

A few minutes later I am fairly certain that I am quitting the Army. We'll see.

Yeah, pretty certain I'm leaving now. It might be 'cause I called James instead of Christian, but meh. Griffin and Kimmy are more important to me than Army.

Silly Mother. Oh well. Geez, I don't know, I'm so confused.

Okay, so. That's that. When in doubt, don't. I don't know what to do and I'm prbly going to be a failure no matter what so I'm just going to walk. It's something I figured I'd do at some point so that's that. Maybe I'll come back, maybe not. Love yas! And Good Luck!

So... I have no idea what's going on, but that's okay! I might not be starting my next course right away, which would prbly make me happy, and give me a bit more time to consider whether I like the whole army thing or not. I just realized that I have to buy the Megaman X Colletion for PS2. Yes well... Been playing Castlevania, never a dull moment, and.. yeah. Bye!! Good Luck!

Well, here I am writing an LJ, avoiding homework like the black plague and prbly screwing myself over for the future. Meh^^ Just read Christian's LJ. I am aware that lately I have been using people a lot these days, but the fact that someone else has noticed sort of makes it not really feasible. What I mean to say, I have been doing it to some degree, but mostly insofar as I don't think it bothers people. Mind you, I'm just trying to justify something that's wrong and I'll stop now ^^. I also suppose I owe the guy an apology, but words mean nothing without actions (sometimes) so I'll just have to pray about it >.> Riiiight. <.< That sort of just came out. Huh.

But yeah, it's only a little ways into the semester and being stubborn has turned into being somewhat neutral. Gotta have drive.

So yeah, Saturday night I went clubbing and got up on the dance floor stage thing they had and shook my groove thang for a few hours, completely of my own volition. Mind you I was also wearing combat boots, since I'd just come back from the graduation ceremony, so I prbly looked like a wally. Whatev^^

Umm... Harmony of Dissonance is great, and it's making me want to write Castelvania fanfics... We shall see^^ Not much I want to say atm. Trying to rush through this so I can get to bed and play a bit more before sleep. Lol, may the Powers that Be bless my Homework endeavors, since I ain't gonna have much time to do it tomorrow (make that today :S) Night night! And Good Luck!

I cannot believe how incredibly awesome the last two years of my life have been! Yeti just sent me a song from FMA, and I was like, man, those were good times! And then I was like, that was only a year ago, and it hasn't really stopped being so great since :D I almost feel like crying now I'm so happy!

Honestly, I've never really had friends like this before, and I think I just came to the realization (I realize things a lot...) that they are incredible people who I really can depend on. Like my thoughts have sort of been in a different direction these days, but suddenly, almost randomly (but not really at all), I almost feel unalone in this Universe.

Friends, great anime (I guess some of the best feelings I have are from nostalgia, since most of my emotions and such are inspired by mental states, and putting together those states with reality and stuff, but yeah, too long and complicated and not pertinent now...)... Man I love anime... Experiences that I've never had before, and I mean a *lot* of them, that I wouldn't be the person I am without... It all adds up. I feel so greatful, and at the same time humbled by the great things my life has given me... Shoot. I hate that. I really do owe people so much... Whatever. In a minute there is time, for visions and revisions that a minute will reverse ^^

Damn, I wish I could speak with Griffin. I have so much to say and at this very instant I feel like I have the words... Gah! Explosive emotion! *explodes* I'm calm, and a bit annoyed at that last comment, but meh^^ I don't really like taking back things that I've put in LJ...lol

But yes... That's enough obsessing. Chuck Norris jokes are great >.>

And so is Throwing... I keep using it as an excuse to not do my math HW... lol

Soup, sweets, some happy musings, a nice walk, Phantom, good company, a pleasing glomp... Yes, all in all today has been one of the best days of my life ^.^

Here we are again. I did a bad thing today... Hopefully it won't happen again (I skipped a math class because I was late for it and didn't really feel like going at all, 'cause I wanted to stick around and see Chibi). I also practiced my throwing a little bit today, and I'm happy to see that there is a noticeable improvement in my ability. And I just remembered that I'm going to be practicing it a bit more with Dragon tomorrow, and tomorrow is also my Kendo practice at school day, huzzah!

I attempted to glomp Griffin, so at least I did one thing right today. Sort of? :/ Just have to stop being silly and try to speak with the girl. Perhaps I will be afforded the oppurtunity tomorrow? I also have to try and write something tonight. It's been a few days and I have barely touched my black book. Except for the bit I wrote about bathrooms being a sign of respect for the sacred in our society. It was a calming thought. Oh wait. That was yesterday, lol. Yeah, guess I've been pretty absent-minded these days... And now that I have the internet I can look up pottery to get ideas for things that I can try in my throwing!!

So off I go, in hopes of becoming... >.>

Good Luck and such^^

I sure hope they turn out okay, just taste tested one. It's decent but a bit cakey... oh well. Certainly they won't poison anyone^^ But yes. So today was another random emotion day >.> Long story short, a great dose of force of will, and the thought of a hug (which I foolishly left without ; ;) pulled me out of it. I know I'm a failure but that ain't gonna stop me from trying (and I base my "failure" comment on well founded reason (lol), so it isn't emo-ness if anyone of you is thinking of giving generic pep talk stuff)!!

That aside. I know that "someone" isn't going to be reading this. But then again, perhaps someone who knows that someone will and all will be better? Anywho, I apologize if I have incensed the beast of discomfort or anything else. I already tried to do that but my wording was crud so it prbly went whoosh! In any case, or at least the case I expect, I will openly apologize once more at the end of the semester, and that will be that. In the time of mean I have a Valentine's Day to plan and a something beforehand to consider.

Oh, I also recall a conversation that occurred a while back. Prbly around the time that Chibi and Griffin became really close (at least I'm guessing that's about the time). After Chibi had left Christian was being all emo about Kimmy (but he wasn't saying it out loud for some reason), and Griffin said something to the effect of hating not being able to help people at times. Well, tonight I can say unequivocably that I feel the same way sometimes. I have this theory that it's pretty hard to help people unless you are really close to them, and tonight I guess that was semi-confirmed. Or at least it means that I'm just comparably not close at all... psy duck...

Anywho, only a few more months and then I can abandon this sham of a human being and simply exist in neatrality to the end of my days^^ I guess I sort of have to have that state to be able to be kind to people, so at least hate shouldn't get in my way (whatever that is...). Just gotta wait out this semester (where I have resolved to "try", and live, and make decisions and follow my heart, which by the way, is the reason I have been wearing suits >.>)... Oh well, I've been saying that to just about everyone who will listen...

Loves yas!! Good Luck!! (Don't mind the emus if you so desire^^)

Not so sure if I am any better off for it though... Lol, was about to say something that just came to my attention as possibly regrettable ^^ Oh well. Turns out Wesley's a hero. That's pretty cool.

Ummm... Lol, surprisingly have little I feel like saying. Been trying to write when I have an idea that desires to be expressed that way, and I think that the highest form of what I hope to accomplish would be to be able to speak the words as fast as... worthy. But whatever. Just an idea.

Gonna go now, since I don't feel like being on LJ anymore. Byee!